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Getting Physical

February 14, 2009

It was one of those drug-induced nights. He had his drug buddies over and was having a gay ol’ time. My sister had drove up from her place, about an hour away, to spend the weekend with me. It was her first exposure to his ‘payday’ world. I call it that because he only had the drug buddies over on payday, every 2 weeks. He made a lot of money working the oilfields and most of that money went into his arm. I didn’t want Sis exposed to this but I didn’t know how to tell her she shouldn’t come up without exposing the bad side of our relationship. I was too embarrassed about it, plus I was in denial–believing this behavior of his was only temporary. He’d get better as time went by. So, I let her come up, hoping that this time all would remain calm and maybe they’d go do the drugs someplace else since she was there.

Well, they did go somewhere else. I was so relieved! Sis and I visited, watched tv for a couple hours, then went to the bedroom to hang out like girls do. An hour or so later, here come the guys. They were all hopped up but starting to come down some. One of them left but Tad stayed. Rick came in to the bedroom and said the car wouldn’t start and he wanted to borrow Sis’ car to go get more drugs. I told him there was no way he was going to drive her car in the condition he was in. (I felt brave since she was there.) So, he asked her if she would drive him over to his buddy’s place. Again, I said no way. She wasn’t going to get involved in his mess.

He banged the bedroom door shut, as he left the room, then I heard the rattle of car keys. I opened the door just in time to see him walking across the living room with Sis’ keys in his hands. I yelled at him to stop! He just laughed and kept on going, with Tad following him out. I picked up the kitchen phone, yelling to him that if he didn’t stop I was calling the police.

He turned around coming toward me, Tad sat back down, and Sis went into the bedroom but left the door open. He yelled out that I wasn’t calling anybody! He grabbed the phone out of my hand and hit me in the face with it. I slid down to the floor, he hit me again. Sis is screaming at him to stop, she is scared to death! Tad is still sitting in the living room as if nothing was going on. Tad was 6 1/2 feet tall and weighed 300 pounds….out-weighing Rick by 100 pounds….and he’s just sitting there!

Rick picked me up from the floor, carried me outside, lifted me up over his head and body-slammed me onto the ground. The wind was knocked out of me, I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t see because of the blood in my eyes. I couldn’t feel anything, I was numb!

He had gone back inside. Sis ran outside, with her car keys in her hand, and got me inside her car. She was going to take me to the hospital but I told her no, I would be ok, I’m not going to report this and get him in trouble. I told her to take me across town to his little brother’s house. I hoped that him and his wife would let me stay there for the night.

When we got there, they just stared at me with horror. His brother said, “Oh my god! He lost it didn’t he?” I told them what happened and the wife helped Sis clean me up and put me to bed. Brother and wife went back to bed. The next morning, it hurt to breathe. I wanted to scream with the pain but that hurt worse. My head throbbed, my eyes were nearly swollen shut and bruised very badly. My nose was swollen and black, also.

I had a broken or fractured rib–don’t know which as I never got treatment for it–my nose was swelled and had 2 cuts on it but not broken, there was one good sized cut between my eyebrows. Sis went home the next day. I stayed at the brother’s house for 3 days until he was able to be sure that Rick had come back down and was back to ‘normal’. Rick asked for me and wanted to talk to me. I was still in so much pain but I needed to go back to my own home whether Rick was there or not. I wasn’t afraid of him when he was sober, but I was very nervous about him seeing me all beatup and ugly even though he had caused it!

When I walked in the door, he was sitting on the couch. He looked at me, lowered his head, and started crying. Hard, shaky, gut-wrenching sobs! I just stood there crying along with him. He got up, put his arms around me and walked me to the couch. We both sat down, still crying.

“I’m so sorry! So sorry! I didn’t know I was capable of something so horrible! Look at you!  I did this to you! Can you ever forgive me? I love you so much. I don’t know what I’d without you. I promise you, with all my heart, I will never, ever do this to you again! Please, please stay with me!”

I did.  Why?  Because I loved this man! I loved this man who sat before me with such sorrow and regret on his face, with tears flowing down his cheeks.

I loved this man.

He never hurt me that way again……..


4 Comments leave one →
  1. February 15, 2009 12:50 pm

    Good grief, Barbara – he could have killed you!!
    Didn’t anyone warn you about going back to him?
    I’m glad you’re safe now and able to write and warn others.

  2. February 15, 2009 1:47 pm

    That’s the weird part–no one said he could be dangerous when he was like that. What they DID say were things like “You have to learn to stay out of the way and keep your mouth shut, then he won’t hurt you.” Or–“He really loves you, it’s just hard for him to show it when he’s like that. He’ll come to senses one day.”……..?????????????

  3. February 16, 2009 12:54 am

    It is terribly sad when we want so much to believe and be loved that we sacrifice our own safety for the sake of a hollow idea.

  4. February 16, 2009 10:55 am

    We always want to believe they’ll never do it again.
    (so much so that we don’t heed the warnings from others …we don’t even heed the ones in front of us…)


    I’m so happy you made it.

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