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Yellow on Tuesdays

February 21, 2009

I came across a wonderful post on a blog named “Getting Past Your Past” authored by Susan J. Elliott..

The post is about abusive relationships, it has the best analogy I’ve ever seen on never being able to please the abuser. Here’s an excerpt………

“It’s very very wearing. You become driven to prove to this person that you are a good and gentle and loving person who would never think or do anything of the sort. Your life becomes one on the defense so you never get to jump over to the offense and wonder what the hell he or she is doing. It’s all about you and how IF ONLY you were less or more or taller or shorter or older or younger or cleaner or neater or thrifty or friendly or not shy or want so much or expect so much or look in the direction of others or not do this or more do more or that or born on a Tuesday or cranky when it’s raining or moody or perturbed or WHATEVER excuse explains why you are abused or criticized or not cared about.

It makes as much sense as saying, “How can I care about someone who wears yellow on Tuesdays? I’m sorry but I can’t.”

But those are the messages and the CRAZINESS of the messages that we receive. I’m sorry oh-unworthy-one, but it’s your fault I act like a complete and utter crazy person. It’s not me, it was that wearing-yellow-on-Tuesday thing you do…I mean who can live with that? If you just straightened up and wore the appropriate colors, I would not be such an insane person.

And we buy it. We run around and eradicate all the yellow from our lives. And next Tuesday we wear pink but that’s wrong too and then black and purple and blue and orange and they’re all wrong too and then the day comes when the abuser says, “You’re so stupid you don’t even wear yellow on Tuesdays.” WHAT? Wait, I thought yellow on Tuesdays was bad. It’s not? Oh let me run right out and get some yellow. There must be something wrong with my hearing or something wrong with my head. So you put the yellow back. And of course it’s “I TOLD YOU that yellow on Tuesdays is NEVER appropriate!!! You just do this to make me miserable!!!”

And so it goes….”

The entire article is quite eye-opening.

Read the entire article here…… Abusive Relationships

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. February 22, 2009 12:21 am

    Wow, wow, wow!!!

    You know how perfectly timed this was for me!

    Anyone who comes across this, read the entire article!!! Oh wow, I couldn’t have said it any better and what an eye-opener!!!

    Thank you for posting this! The entire article is spot on and perfect. I’m literally breathless, because even though I’m leaving, there’s still that lingering part of me that “feels bad”. It keeps getting smaller, and no amount of crocodile or self-serving tears will change my mind, period!!

    But this article… Yes, I needed it today. Perfect as always, perfect!!!! YOU ROCK!! Read it ladies, read it gentlemen … read it over and over.

    “Stop splitting. Stop being in denial when he is “normal”. The abuse will be back. ”

    Bingo!!!!

    Enough said. 😉

    I’ve learned that one the hard way.

    Bravo. Excellent post!!!

  2. February 22, 2009 2:31 am

    I’m so glad you’re helping others understand abuse!
    And giving them the courage and strength to get out!
    Jonie

  3. Louna Cee permalink
    February 23, 2009 10:48 am

    WOW!!

    Another article that left me speechless, yet it opened my eyes about the reality of things…

    I always have a tie in my throat when I read such article.

    Thanks for sharing… Louna C.

  4. Louna Cee permalink
    February 23, 2009 11:30 am

    I had to add you to my blogroll. Hope you don’t mind.

    Louna Cee

  5. February 23, 2009 1:48 pm

    Louna, I don’t mind at all! In fact I’m honored!
    I’m adding yours to mine right now!

  6. February 24, 2009 5:35 pm

    How true this is. And heartbreaking. These are excellent articles.

  7. Cucidati permalink
    February 28, 2009 3:59 pm

    Blogrolled indeed! I am an adult victim of an abusive parent. This article made a lot of sense to me. I found myself making many of the same excuses, if I , could I, would I, etc.

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