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The Road of Hell!!

April 17, 2009
This is the road leading down to the house. You can see the deep ruts where water stayed collected except during the very dry months. Quite a bumpy ride!

This is the road leading down to the house. You can see the deep ruts where water stayed collected except during the very dry months. Quite a bumpy ride!

The road that led to our place was a half mile stretch of hell! During the rainy months, it was slogged in mud and slippery to walk on. Driving on it like that was slick also–lots of slipping and sliding around or getting stuck in the mud. Whenever we’d get to the part where the 30 foot drop-off was, my heart would be in my throat and my stomach would do flip-flops. It was worse in the winter when it was a solid sheet of ice. Rick traded in his jeep for a 4-wheel-drive truck which maneuvered somewhat better but it still scared the hell out of me! There were many times I would walk up the side of the road and meet him up at the top. Going down was a little better but still pretty scary.

I had to keep my car at the top of the road, parked on the side, as it set too low to be able to drive it on our road. On days when I needed to go to town, I would walk up the road with my backpack on and drive to town, then walk back down it carrying my cargo in the backpack. I had to use a walking stick to get up or down the steep parts so that I wouldn’t slip and fall down.

Rick was working a 2nd construction job on a temporary basis and would usually get home by dark around 9 pm. One night, he still wasn’t home by the time I went to bed. I didn’t think much of it. I knew he was working where there was electricity so he might have wanted to stay and finish a particular part of the project before quitting for the day.

I briefly awoke around 11:30 pm when I heard him come in. I rolled back over and fell back to sleep. Sometime during the middle of the night, I heard him come in again and he laid on the couch and went to sleep. I thought he might have set outside with a campfire going–something he liked to do many nights. So, I didn’t think anything of it. He fell asleep on the couch, in front of the TV, many times so that wasn’t unusual either.

The next morning we were getting things around to go to town and do laundry, get groceries/water, etc. Just as we were ready to walk out the door, Rick sat down and asked me to sit down also. He told me that he had left last night and went over to his brother’s house. He said the truck was low on gas so he took my car. On the way back home, he said he hit a patch of ‘black ice’ (a slick wet spot on a blacktop road when it is raining) and the car went out of control and he hit a tree. He pushed his hair back and showed me the big bump on the side of his forehead where his head had hit the windshield. He said he was fine but the car was pretty messed up. He was able to drive it the rest of the way home and it was parked in it’s usual place. He wanted to let me know before I saw it for myself.  I felt bad for him, he was so sad and remorseful over the incident. I told him not to worry, we would get it fixed and all would be ok. It couldn’t be in that bad of a shape if he was able to drive it home. He didn’t say anything to that. So, up the dreaded road we went.

As we arrived at the top of the road, I could see my car. “Pretty messed up”!!!
The entire passenger side was crushed inward, all the windows were smashed out on that side, and there were huge cracks in the windshield. It was a total wreck! How he ever drove it home, I’ll never know. I burst into tears. I couldn’t believe it. It was MY car! The very first major purchase I had ever made with my own money that I earned working at the Pizza Place. I was always so proud of that. I was never able to keep a job or even have a car of my own due to his jealous fits. He thought that every employer or co-worker that I worked with was after me–wanted me–and he was always afraid I’d reciprocate. So, he always made me quit or would make an ass of himself at my jobs so that I would get fired. The Pizza Place was different because it catered to an older crowd and he knew and respected everyone there so I never had any problems with him when I was working there.

I was heartbroken and I felt so-o-o betrayed! While we were in town, he went to the junkyard owner and asked him to go with him and look at the car to assess the damage and repairs needed. I stayed at the Laundromat while they were gone. I was talking to the owner, a really nice lady, and told her what happened. She said that was funny–there had been no rain the night before. As a matter-of-fact, she said the weatherman had stated that morning how badly in need we were for some rain. Now, the doubts set in. The betrayed feeling was turning into anger.

An hour later, I saw Rick drive by with the junkyard tow truck behind him. My car was hooked up to the truck. Rick returned to the Laundromat and said the car was totaled–done for–gone! I’d had no insurance on it as I only drove it in the country and into Forktown plus Rick wouldn’t pay for the insurance anyway. He said I didn’t need it since I never drove into the city. Whatever. I confronted him about the weather that previous night. He swore that it rained. Maybe it was an isolated patch of rain as that does happen. I still had my doubts.

So, here I was living in the middle of nowhere, no job, no car–totally isolated. I believed, as time went by, that he wanted it that way. He had more control over me than ever before.

A week later, I walked up to the car to get a book I had left in there during a trip into town. I found it on the floor, it had slid under the front seat. Right next to an empty bottle of whiskey…………….


6 Comments leave one →
  1. pioneerjo permalink
    April 17, 2009 2:30 pm

    That driveway could be the road into our place! Isolation and power tripping. I don’t think I will ever understand!

  2. April 17, 2009 3:00 pm

    I’m at a loss for words…weren’t you scared? He wrecks the car, you’re totally isolated…

  3. April 17, 2009 7:40 pm

    Jo! How wonderful to hear from you! You haven’t posted on your blog in a long time. Keep in touch more often–please! 🙂

  4. April 17, 2009 7:44 pm

    Jonie, I was never scared. I never felt physically threatened by him because those incidents were few and very far between. I knew when to keep my mouth shut and when I could fight with him–verbally. When he was drinking, he became Hyde. I was in love with Jekyll. So, he was 2 people to me. I continued to love Jekyll for a long time until Hyde took over on a permanent basis. But that wouldn’t be for years yet.

  5. April 19, 2009 11:01 am

    It’d definitely seem that being way out there (that road!! wow!!) with no transportation and being so isolated would make one scared, but I totally get what you’re saying, Barbara.

    You still felt safe enough then to confront him about the “rain” because he wasn’t always in Hyde-mode.

    It’s heartbreaking to think about you working so hard and being so proud and having it taken from you like that. It’s more than just a material thing–it’s the point of doing something for yourself and then having someone else basically take it/ruin it/sabotage it. grrr! ((hugs))

  6. April 19, 2009 4:21 pm

    Oh boy, All Time….that one brought tears to my eyes. I feel so sad and angry when I think of it that way. I worked really hard to make him proud, to prove to him that I was willing to live this lifestyle with him so he would be happy. It was all thrown back into my face, he might as well have slapped me. Actually, I think a slapping would have hurt less!

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