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Discovery!

July 4, 2009

The next morning, Rick was so apologetic, so remorseful after seeing the bruises on my face, and on my arm from being slammed into the refrigerator. He was very sweet and tender to me.

We were getting ready to go up to Carol’s so I could help her with breakfast and Rick could chop wood for her. All of a sudden Rick turned to me and told me I was to stay home. I argued that I couldn’t stay home, I had obligations to Carol. He said he would take care of Carol’s breakfast before chopping the wood and would see if there was anything else he could do for her before he left. He would tell her I was ‘down with a bug’ and didn’t want to expose it to her.

I started to argue back but then it dawned on me–he was ashamed!! Wow! What a discovery that was! He’d never cared what his family or friends thought of my bruises but for some reason he cared about what the neighbors would think! He truly cared about them and didn’t want them to see him in a bad light. I was amazed at this revelation!

I looked at him then and I said “Ok, I’ll stay home but I want you to know something. If you ever raise a hand to me again, I will march up that road and I will visit Carol and Joe & Mary and when they ask what happened to me I will tell them the truth. I’m done hiding and letting you get away with this behavior. I mean it, Rick! And he knew I did, and that I would do exactly as I’d said I would!

He left, with his head hanging down, and I felt such empowerment from that! Of course, there was always the chance that when he drank again he would forget all about our conversation.

But he didn’t–ever.

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14 Comments leave one →
  1. July 4, 2009 12:41 pm

    Good on you!!!
    That was an enormous and important step forward in getting back your self-respect!
    Well done!!

  2. Groundy permalink
    July 4, 2009 2:51 pm

    wo0t! way to go!

    That took courage to do. No batterer wants to be outted.
    They love to be the victim.

  3. July 4, 2009 3:40 pm

    Thank you both for your comments!! I was becoming braver as time went by. I don’t know what exactly empowered me but I took advantage of it!

  4. Groundy permalink
    July 4, 2009 6:30 pm

    The brainwashing starts to fade.

  5. Joey permalink
    July 4, 2009 9:50 pm

    So true that abusers don’t want people to know. Darks secrets don’t stay dark when exposed to the light…

  6. July 5, 2009 9:10 am

    Hi Joey!!!! Yes, I had discovered that–wish I’d known that in the beginning years. You see, I helped him hide it by keeping ‘the secret’ out of my own shame and embarrassment!

  7. Groundy permalink
    July 5, 2009 12:54 pm

    The shame is almost unbearable.

    I finally had enough and started to fight back.
    That was either my savior or my biggest mistake; either way it freed me.

    Karen

  8. Louna Cee permalink
    July 6, 2009 7:06 am

    “Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed…” john/3:20

    I just love this quote…. It says a lot! I am now discovering that somehow the shame speaks louder than i thought…

  9. July 6, 2009 11:41 am

    Thank you Louna Cee!!

  10. Groundy permalink
    July 6, 2009 6:08 pm

    Louna Cee permalink
    “Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed…” john/3:20

    omg.. I have read and reread this quote; jackaassjerk can’t stand to awake during the day. He is a night person; this describes him and his ways!
    No wonder he wouldn’t go to church with me. I understand now.
    Thank you Louncaaaaaaceeeeee
    Karen

  11. July 8, 2009 10:40 pm

    Is the guilt an abuser feels from actually hurting someone, or is it a guilt that comes from a fear of getting caught? For what ever reason I’m glad, it finally stopped. I thought he would have tried to rationalize in his own sick mind that you made or caused him to lose control, making him the victim once again.
    You are truly an amazing woman.

  12. July 9, 2009 10:51 am

    Thank you Nancy!! I think, in Rick’s case, his guilt was from a fear of getting caught/found out by people he’d come to love and respect. He was actually embarrassed!!

  13. nancy sweet permalink
    August 30, 2009 10:08 am

    Thank you for opening your heart………..i was there in another place and time. Even though i now live another life in another place it is my place and my choice now.
    nancy

  14. August 30, 2009 10:27 am

    Thank you for visiting nancy sweet! I’m glad you were able to survive and get out and start a new happier life!

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