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Moving Out

October 5, 2009

The morning after the attempted rape, I walked up the road to Carol’s to check on her cats and tend to the fire in the woodstove. It was the first week of December and cold. While I was there, Carol’s daughter came in. She was there to pick up some clothes to send to Carol. She looked at me and asked “What did he do to you now?” I didn’t know what she was seeing so I asked her why. She told me to look at my face. I went to a mirror and saw red square lines around part of my eyes and my mouth. They must have been a skin reaction to the duct tape Rick used on me.

I told her what happened. She wanted to call the sheriff but I said ‘no’, I just wanted to get away from him but had nowhere to go and no money. She said “Why don’t you move up here? You can take care of the cats and keep the fire going through winter so the water pipes don’t freeze. It would save you from walking up and down that old road of yours this winter when it’s covered with ice. I was surprised! I asked her “Are you sure?” She replied “VERY sure! Get away from that man!”

We both knew that Carol’s house wasn’t far enough away to make much difference but it would surely help some. I thanked her profusely and headed back down to my house. I began packing clothes, some personal items, and some groceries I would need. I filled 3 boxes with immediate necessities. I could always come back down and get more things, as I needed them, while Rick was at work.

I intended on carrying the boxes up to Carol’s, one at a time, but they were too heavy for that 1/2 mile trek uphill. I became frustrated then despondent. Now what do I do? Then I became angry and determined. By God! I was gonna do this one way or another! Just then Rick came home. He was still coming down off the drugs and I’d discovered, through past experience, when he was at that stage he was easily manipulated.

He came in, saw the boxes, and asked what was going on. I said “I’m moving up to Carol’s. I will not put up with your behavior any longer. I will stay up there until you can turn yourself around and get off the drugs and alcohol. You will take me and these boxes up there or I will call someone who will! He asked why?! I said “Oh, you don’t remember last night? You “broke in” here and took the TV and the VCR and tried to rape me–tried to make it look like a break-in!”

He looked shocked. He didn’t remember any of it. I said “You are taking me up to Carol’s, then you are going to whatever pawn shop you used to hock the TV and VCR and bring them back here. You can have the TV since there’s one at Carol’s but the VCR is mine so you will bring it to Carol’s. He hung his head in resignation, said “Ok”, and put the boxes in his truck. I got in and we drove to Carol’s without a word between us.

Two days later, he brought the VCR to me and asked if there was anything else he could do for me. I firmly stated “Nope!” So he left. My next step was to find a job. I needed money to escape. What was I to do? I decided I would find something–anything–and I would save money and get out. Yep, that was the plan!


8 Comments leave one →
  1. October 5, 2009 3:31 pm

    That was brave! I’m glad you managed to move out.
    Thank God for Carol!

  2. October 5, 2009 3:39 pm

    Thank you Jonie!

  3. Margie permalink
    October 7, 2009 8:03 am

    That really was brave. I know it was heart rending to do it. Especially since he was such a different person when he was sober. That’s one of the things that make getting out of those situations so hard. They are completely different people when they aren’t on drugs/alcohol.

  4. October 7, 2009 9:57 am

    Margie, that is so true! That’s the main reason it took me so long to finally go through with it! I finally had enough and my feelings turned cold enough to not care if I was hurting him or not.

  5. October 9, 2009 3:39 pm

    I can only imagine the amount of courage it took to finally stand up for yourself. Atta girl.

  6. October 9, 2009 4:59 pm

    Thank you Nancy. I don’t feel it was courage–I felt like ‘what the hell, I’ve got to do this!’ It was more anger and determination than anything else.

  7. Groundy permalink
    October 11, 2009 12:12 am

    What courage it took! Understatement? Yeah, I think so. At this point there is no word to discribe any of it.
    Once you’ve made the ‘final’ decision to break out, you’re DONE. Nothing stops you but actual physical harm.
    Once your abuser see’s that his victim is no longer under his control he’s either going to relinquish and let go or do serious harm.
    I am so proud of you for seeing it for what it was, finally. We all reach our point at some stage.
    Writting this is very theraputic, I know. I have mine.

  8. October 11, 2009 9:26 am

    Thanks Karen! I had come to realize that he was not going to do any real physical harm to me and that made me all the braver plus I had reached the point of not caring anymore how he felt or what he felt–I was outta there one way or another!

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