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All By Myself–Final Chapter

December 6, 2009

I had been fired 2 months when I received a call from my Sis. Mom had fallen a few times in the past few months. She was not seriously injured but bruised pretty badly this last time. Sis said Mom really needed someone to stay with her and help her out. Would I consider moving out to Texas and living with Mom?

Wow! I was bumfuzzled! I love my mother dearly and hadn’t seen any of my family in many years. I would love to go visit but to move there? I hated West Texas weather! The dry and windy days–no humidity to speak of, the dust storms, the tornadoes. Then I looked around my apartment and thought ‘Hmm, I won’t be able to live here after another 3 months. I can’t find a job, my savings is dwindling down. Where else would I go?’ So, I called Sis and Mom to talk over all the specifics and decided to go for it.

I went through all my belongings and sorted what I could sell at a garage sale. I was brutal, knowing I could only take what would fit in the car. I still had too much stuff. I shipped boxes of things to Mom’s, sold the rest at the sale, and donated all of my furniture to a Church that took care of the homeless.

A wonderful friend of mine offered to drive out with me and fly back at her own expense. It took us 3 days and was quite an experience for me! I’d never driven outside of my town, I didn’t even leave my neighborhood area!

It was wonderful to see Mom, Sis and my brothers again! I’m so happy that I made the move although taking care of Mom can be quite trying! We get along great, for the most part, but stumble here and there with general issues. We, so far, have resolved any issues in an amicable way that agrees with both of us.

During the 2 months that I was packing and sorting my life, I received an email from my sister-in-law…Rick’s brother’s wife… we have kept in touch secretly through the years. She wrote that Rick had died. He and his brother were celebrating his 54th birthday. The party of drinking and drugs lasted 7 days until Rick’s brother went into the living room that last morning to find Rick dead on the couch. Autopsy results revealed alcohol poisoning and drug overdose.

While I was shocked at the news, I felt a great relief! No more looking over my shoulder just in case he had found me, no stomach flipping/heart jumping every time I saw a truck that looked like his. I finally felt completely free. I could breathe again, I could stop being so nervous, I was totally free of him now.

Throughout the past 12 years, I have realized this experience has raised my spirit above anything I’ve ever had to do in my life. I have been forced to grow and to find a part of myself I didn’t even know I had. I am much stronger than I’ve ever been in my life!

I had made my plans to leave him and the plan worked. Yes, I had help from others along the way, but I made the plan, I took the steps needed to get out. I gathered the courage to move on with my life.

It is my fervent wish that any domestic violence victims reading this will please get out–Run! Make a plan, enlist help from others, even if it’s embarrassing or a shameful feeling for you, and get as far removed from your abuser as possible–even if it’s “only” emotional abuse. It will mean a lot of changes and it will feel scary–very scary! But, once you escape and are living on your own and you build a new life for yourself, you will feel such a sense of exhilaration, of freedom, of triumph! And you’ll never look back.

I did it–all by myself!

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12 Comments leave one →
  1. December 6, 2009 4:07 pm

    Thanks Barbara and a big hug and congratulations! You can truly be proud of yourself. I’ve often told you what an inspiration you are to me! I so understand your sense of freedom and triumph. I pray that your story is and will be an inspiration to many, many women – and once again I urge you to write that book! Thousands of women live in dreadful isolation and fear, they need your courageous example. God bless you, Jonie

  2. December 6, 2009 5:29 pm

    Oh, thank you Jonie! A lot of this I could not have written without your giving me the courage to do so!

  3. pioneerjo permalink
    December 7, 2009 2:23 pm

    One word for him: karma.

    That is a very wierd parallel we seem to have in our lives since my abuser died as well.

    Would that all abusers ended up alone and dead. My cruel and vicious streak coming out here. There are some people who live their lives with no lasting benefit to society. There are many people out there who would say even he had a ‘right’ to life, liberty, and the pursuit of ‘happiness’ in the exact way he lived. I couldn’t disagree more.

    I am glad you feel free now, my friend. Unafraid. Able to move on. Everything happens for a reason and we live on to tell the tales and hopefully, share the wisdom of the things we learned hopefully to help someone else along this convoluted path we call ‘life’.

  4. December 7, 2009 5:20 pm

    I agree with you totally! Where’s the justice out there for the many others who have suffered at an abuser’s hand?

    Ha–I’ve said it before–that we live parallel lives!

  5. Groundy permalink
    December 22, 2009 3:38 pm

    Barbie!

    I am SOOOO HAPPY for you!

    Reading your story helped me. It opened my eyes and thoughts too.
    I’ve always believed ” Validation is JUSTICE !”
    We’ve recieved a smidgen of ours by just being able to find another person that knows what it was like to have this happen to them. Knowing we may have felt alone, lost and bewildered, but in reality we weren’t alone.

    The cruel and vicious streak is validated and with cause. You have ended the journey but the toll it took on you hasn’t left you, it took it’s toll on me as well. Relationships lost with my children are healing and coming back with strong bonds.
    I am no longer in that world. I stepped off the crazy train that these abusive and manipulating people thrive on.
    Life is awesomeeeeeeeeee, I am glad I am here now for this ride!

    Wishing you the best of this blessed season and grandest of New Years… It will be your year, I just feel it!

    Open your heart to love and love will find it’s way to you.
    Karen

  6. December 22, 2009 3:44 pm

    Thank you Karen!! I’m so happy I was able to help you on your journey but you really did the HARD part of it yourself!
    Have a great holiday season, my friend!!

  7. December 30, 2009 1:27 pm

    Your life has been an incredible journey, the roadblocks, friendships and experiences you went through have made you who you are today, a strong confident woman who survived physically, mentally and morally. You are an inspiration to others, while some see a light at the end of the tunnel when reading your entries there’s others that see how different life can be.

    Please tell me that “All By Myself-The Final Chapter” is not the end of your blog, we all in our own way still need you.

  8. December 30, 2009 2:06 pm

    Thank you so much Nancy! Unfortunately, this is the end of the posts. I have told my story and I am leaving this up for others to hopefully learn from it! I will still receive email notification when anyone posts a comment.
    You can still follow me on my other sites. You don’t have to be member to comment. If you have a problem with the comment form, just email me and I’ll walk you through it.
    Love ya!!

  9. Victoria permalink
    January 4, 2010 11:41 pm

    Your story has been amazing to read.

    I am so happy you were able to overcome all that you did, to end at such a good place in your life ….a life that is truly your own, without fear, with only the normal worries we all face in life … like you said– no more looking over your shoulder.

    What an amazing journey you have had, and The End is really just The Beginning.

    big hugs

    It’s been so inspiring to read about you. :=)

  10. January 5, 2010 10:32 am

    Thank you so much Victoria! It makes me feel so good to know that writing about my trials and tribulations has helped others. I hope it continues to do so!

  11. December 10, 2010 2:46 am

    W0W!

    What a story, you really should write a book and a movie should be made. (i nominate Angelina Jolie to star and Clint Eastwood to direct it)

    You are an incredibly amazing woman for writing your story and i’m sure your experiences will help other women to stand up and end any abuse that’s going on in their lives.

    Sorry to read you won’t be posting here anymore but i’ll certainly be giving this addy to anyone that i come across that needs to hear what you went through and maybe you’ll never know who or how many women you’ve inspired and helped, but do know that your story of survival has been very valuable.

    Thanks and see you on your other sites!

  12. December 10, 2010 10:02 am

    Lorraina, that is so wonderful to hear! That’s why I leave this site up even though I don’t add to it anymore– to help others who may come across it! Thank you so much!!

    “What a story, you really should write a book and a movie should be made. (i nominate Angelina Jolie to star and Clint Eastwood to direct it)”—- hahahahaha! But thank you for your great compliment! 🙂

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