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The Secrets That Must Be Kept

July 11, 2009

After my last episode with Rick I felt empowered which made me feel safe. I realized his fear of being found out was because that would ruin him as a respectable man in this little community in which we lived. If more victims would realize this same thing I would hope that it would make it easier for them to get out! This could be tricky, though, as some abusers may retaliate with brutal tactics and possibly kill over it. It’s a tough call to make and only the victim knows how far they can push. I don’t want anyone to think that because it worked for me, it may apply to your situation. Please be careful when considering ‘outing’ an abuser.

I read this statement on another blog that I follow and there is deep truth in all that is said:

“These are the Secrets That Must Be Kept. This is how domestic violence and abuse survive. Breeding in the shadows, unexposed like some virus waiting to be spread. There is an almost superstitious quality in this silence. Keep the silence and that makes the violence less. Keep the silence and it may stop. Keep the silence and it may not come to pass. Keep the silence and it may not be true. Keep the silence and it may go away. Keep the silence and take the reality out of it. Yet violence doesn’t go away. It is not forgotten and it is very real. Violence can fester in that dark place only to later come bursting forth in pustulant foulness, wreaking havoc and physical and emotional destruction.” by Pioneer Jo

I’m hoping if you read the following statements you may develop enough confidence to stand up to your abuser. When doing so, be sure you are not putting yourself  in any further danger.

Self-Empowerment and Affirmations of Your Basic Rights:

Nobody has the right to know my mind or my business or to tell me what to think, what to feel or what to do.

I have a right to my own thoughts, feelings, values and beliefs.

What I share with others about matters that concern me is determined by what feels right to me – not what they want.

If people are abusive or disrespectful to me, I have a right to tell them so, to ask them to stop and to avoid them.

I don’t have to be nice to people who aren’t nice to me.

I don’t need abuse or to be disrespected.

I have a need and right to love myself, respect myself and to stand up for myself.

I have a right to be who I am and to harmlessly live my own life regardless of whether others don’t like it.

I don’t have to feel guilty for not behaving as others might want me to or for not giving other what they expect of me.

I accept myself just as I am in the moment with whatever thoughts and feelings I have.

I accept my right to my imperfection and shortcomings and don’t feel guilty for not being perfect.

I believe that we should do unto others as we would have them do unto us – to be treated with love and respect.

I believe that if I am true to myself and live by the highest truth I know, that things will turn out for the best in the long run.

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. July 11, 2009 11:54 pm

    What a beautiful, wise post Barbara.
    I didn’t leave and am still living with the consequences of it.
    I’m printing out this page and sticking it to the wall in front of me!
    Thank you!!
    Jonie

  2. July 12, 2009 8:46 am

    Jonie, thanks for the comment. I’m happy this post helped you!!

  3. pioneerjo permalink
    July 12, 2009 8:32 pm

    Very well written. I think we all have those affirmations on our walls!

  4. July 12, 2009 8:38 pm

    Hi Joey and thank you so much for letting me quote you!! That should be posted in all DV blogs and DV sites!!

  5. Groundy permalink
    July 13, 2009 8:40 am

    Great post!
    Thank you pioneerjo and Barbie!

    My therapist gave me this CD by Bellaruth Napersak called General Wellness. This CD is “guided imagery”, and has affirmations at the end of it as well. I love it. I have been using it for years and have sent it to many people to use in stressful times.

    Affirmations are wonderful.
    Read them, listen to them, become them.

    Hugs and great thoughts your way,
    Karen

  6. July 13, 2009 9:12 am

    Thank you Karen!!! Yes, affirmations are so uplifting!!

  7. Louna Cee permalink
    July 16, 2009 5:55 am

    OMG! Thank you so much for this post… Yes! I, We, have so many rights… yet, we somehow chose to remain silent for a while.

    Oh lord! “I have a need and right to love myself, respect myself and to stand up for myself.!!!!!!!!”

    Gracias amiga!

  8. July 16, 2009 9:15 am

    Hi Louna Cee!! Thanks for the great comment, and you are very welcome. I try to post helpful items occasionally rather than just my personal story.

  9. Louna Cee permalink
    August 7, 2009 2:41 am

    And i keep reading your blog for encouragement and comfort. =)

    (BTW– I took a break from blogging as I am exhausted w/ kids schools, work, job/house search, and other…. but I will keep in touch w/you!!!)

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